Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
Randomize
