the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
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