I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
God I need to hump something, right now.
Randomize
