just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
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