Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
This beer is not sobering me up at all
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
