My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
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