It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
Randomize
