The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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