Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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