I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
Randomize
