Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
Randomize
