u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
Randomize
