My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
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