I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
She's like a pop up book from hell.
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
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