There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
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