A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
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