I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
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