i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
I need to stop coming to work sober
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
Two words: blizzard sex
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
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