i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
Randomize
