This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
Randomize
