I'm so fucking centered right now
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
Randomize
