I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
