I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
Randomize
