His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize
