I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
I need a burrito and a hug.
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
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