I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
Randomize
