I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
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