Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
Randomize
