Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
Randomize
