We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
Randomize
