When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
Randomize