He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
Randomize
