i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
He passed out mid-signature
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
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