That's intense
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
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