wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
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