Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
Randomize
