just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Randomize
