for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
We smell like vodka and hangover
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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