I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
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