You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
i think i have two assholes
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
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