Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
Randomize
