I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
