Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
Randomize
