weddingsv make me drug and hornr
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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