The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Randomize
