Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize
