covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
Bring me that man meat
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
Randomize
