i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
