u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
Randomize
