Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
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