I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
Randomize