I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
Randomize
