My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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