Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
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