I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Randomize
