i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
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