Swine flu. Run for my life!
tell your sister to shave her snatch
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
Randomize
