sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
cat food counts as protein by the way
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
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