I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
tonight lets celebrate not being married
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
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Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
he quoted the bible to break up with me
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
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I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.