So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
These 25 People Forgave their Significant Others for Saying Stupid Things
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun