I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
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