It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
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