I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
Randomize
