What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
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