Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
