What's proper 1 nite stand etiquette?
Say hi to his dad and make him some breakfast.
I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
this hospital has no fireball
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
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