If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
Randomize
